Wednesday, March 23, 2011

When in love, everything is beautiful

This post will be like dusting a hidden diary of mine. Thinking so much of a person, I could not help myself from going back to the wonderful memories we spent together. Those memories will remain one among the best time in my life and to recollect those moments now, I suddenly feel like a excited kid...

I don't know whether to call this as a destiny but I am sure God has some reasons for this to happen. This is going to be a journey of mine which happened a few years back. It might sound funny but still it's true, I happen to like a language so much because I loved watching movies in that language. But then how long can I watch those movies without knowing the language? Result being searching for a person in my place who knows the language. Then I found a person, a lady who's going to be the main reason for this post.

Gosh, I could still picture the first meet we had, I was so silent when she spoke for the first time. Then from the very second day I realized there is something about this person that makes me feel very special about her. Words sometimes fail to convey the feeling you have for a person, that is exactly what I am feeling right now. So many butterflies I felt inside, so many wonderful moments, she's such a vibrant person to show me so many good things about life especially the love which I missed for a long long time.

I still remember the first SMS I sent to her cellphone after filtering it from so many messages. And I did all the possible crazy things for her which brings a smile on my face now. "Super Joke", this word is going to be one of the most weirdest reply someone could get when showing the affection towards a person and yes, I got this reply from her. The kind of affection and understanding we had for each other was so amazing. God only knows how much I lied to others to be with her. Every evening was a celebration for me to spend some quality time with her. Oh, did I say all this started for learning a language? who cared about a language? It didn't mattered at all as we were like kids having too much fun, thanks to a bunch of kids who made it more interesting then.

Thank you Airtel for the special offer you gave us to talk endlessly otherwise our family might probably went broke. We talked and talked for hours together. I always believed her to be my most personal diary, there is nothing I hide it from her. She was my best friend and also a well wisher with whom I shared a lot of things. I have never admired a person for his/her sense of humor but for the first time in my life I happen to notice that from her. Such an amazing light hearted soul who made me to think that most of the things in life has to be taken so lightly which I could not make it till date.

I remember sitting on the top floor and watching the Orion Constellation at night which I call it as 'I love you stars'.We sat together on the stairs talking about stupid things and watching the traffic in the town.She's someone who gets more excited about my birthday than myself. She baked a very big cake for one of my birthdays.We used to visit a small temple every Friday and God only knows what she was praying as she used to pray a lot.

There are certain things in life which others would never understand and that has happened to me time to time. It's so unfortunate to even think that this beautiful relationship has to face so much stiffness which ultimately came to an end. If fate was the reason for our meet then I would blame it on the same fate for having ended this story in such shame.

Thinking of those days, I still could not able to believe my eyes how I crossed such a bad phase. Nothing helped at that time. After almost having lost two of my close people and also facing all nightmares at home, I got attached to this person and which eventually gotten me into trouble. No one understood then and I doubt the fact they would come to understand in the near future too.

My life today is going smoothly at least in most of the ways and I wholeheartedly thank God for that. So I can take a selfish step to make sure I avoid this person entirely who stood by my side during my worst times. Infact I have seen people who have done that to me blaming it on their hectic life, family, kids or whatever. If I do that cruel blunder to this person I would not call myself as a human ever.

There was a time, out of nowhere through my extended family I was offered a job which landed me in night shift in a nearby city. If there is anything in the world I cared much about me that would be eating and sleeping. I was so nervous and went to that office at night for the first time, believe it or not every one hour I received a message in my cell phone from her asking me to stay awake. There was only one person who didn't sleep along with me on that night and that was her! Who on earth would do that? A mother? She certainly is....

And one day I fumed being part of such disgusting people and I left the place for good. I don't know where to go. I took a bus, went to a city. A city which is not familiar at all to me. She called and at first I denied telling her where I am going and finally I did. She convinced me that she would meet me pretty soon. I still remember the way she looked at me on that day as though nothing happened. She then took me to a near by temple and did the comforting part. She could be the best friend I can ask for.

Let me name a person in my entire family and my friends, she could easily tell how they are related to me. She cared so much about me and the people who have been part of my life. And also the kind of sufferings we both went through in this relationship, I promise no one could dare face such terrible moments in their life. I know others must have played the game safe.

If I were to picture herself ever then that would probably picturing herself with lots of kids. She always looked so beautiful among the kids, such a ravishing personality that you could not deny her presence even among the cute kids. She is the best teacher any student can ask for, such a dedicated and a patient soul.

I could not able to invite her to my wedding, I felt so guilty for that but still she showed up on that day. She was the only person I hugged on that day thanking her for what she has just done. I really doubt the fact whether I could able to meet such an unconditional soul ever on earth. In American term it's called "The Bird and Bee's Talk", one day I asked her a "doubt" in that and it's so funny to recollect how uncomfortable and embarrassed she felt explaining that to me. One of the most funniest and also a touching moment in my life. In Indian standards it's way too awkward moment for anyone to explain.

I would probably go on and on typing about her because it makes me feel so happy and then it also makes me sick of knowing that those days are gone forever and I hate the fact that I don't have any touch with her right now. Dear Mr. God, you really act like a jerk sometimes and I don't know what to do with you. Most of the people who cared about me are either taken away by you orelse some people voluntarily left me for they felt something is better than being with me. And this one, it's called fate.

I haven't made any friends after her. Some questioned me for being so lonely locking myself in an 700 square foot apartment here. I could not able to explain the reason to them. But I have started liking the fact that I am alone doing something useful other than feeling emotional or sensitive in life.

I have met some Interesting people and also some worst people in my life. What more can I add now? That man (her husband) was amazing, he knew I was digging for a treasure. He knew I noticed the treasure and watched me everyday as I was putting all the effort to lift it from down under. And when I eventually lifted it, he suddenly asked me to leave as it belonged to him. He said he owned it! Interesting thing was he never even cared what he had until I came along, he didn't even respected her feelings and then he didn't cared to provide her any peace. 

Every single people I told this, they advised me to leave her because I was just a trespasser. Nice to know people, it was very soothing indeed and thank you! And every single person who noticed what she has gone through because of him and his family knew what she deserves in life. How could her family accept this in first place? I hate to digest the fact that it's a love marriage. If she were my daughter I would have killed her rather than helped her married to this monster and sent to be with his filthy people. She did the exact same mistake my mom did several years back. She too called it as love. And the bitter truth is I am talking about two wonderful ladies who deserved way better life but then fallen trap in the name of love to the most disgusting men ever on earth. There is a term for this, "Good girls fall for bad boys"! I swear to God if these men are to get such a blessed life, I bet every single human deserves thousand more chances to receive true love and a beautiful life.

Everything is over and who cares now? For the last few days she kept coming to my mind, probably because of her birthday and I could not help wondering how she's doing right now. But then who am I to care for all this? I don't want to knock those doors which belongs to someone. This is the most crappiest term I could ever imagine, "Belonging to Someone"or "someone owning someone". Even I have been part of so many people in every part of my life, as a daughter, as a grand child, as a sister, as a cousin, as a friend, as a wife and so on. No one can claim that I belonged to one particular person, I have been in parts and love the fact that I belong to each individual rather than a particular person. Are we an object to be owned by someone? Never mind...

When in love, everything looks beautiful and when in hatred, everything falls apart. My love for this person would never vanish in my lifetime and in the same way my hatred for another person would never go away too. But then there would be a part of me which would get a life from time to time thinking about those wonderful moments, making sure I will always love her and also miss her all my life.

Interesting few incidents happened recently, probably will happen more...One day I really got pissed off by my cooking and started searching for recipes. As I took a book which was given by this person, I looked exactly for my favorite recipe in the index page and then went straight to that page, I saw these words from her on the top of the page for the first time, "My Akil's favorite recipe!". Tears poured down seeing those words.

Then again another incident, last month I was alone for almost a week as my husband went for an official trip and I felt tired of being lonely. Record level snow happened in my place during that time and it was not advisable to step out of my apartment. But still when he came back I behaved like a kid, I cried, I fought and I said I want to get out of this apartment at least for a short walk. Then I went alone for a walk in that weather, managed to check the mail box and was surprised to receive a birthday card from her. It was one among several cards she sent to me for this birthday. God knows what I felt on that moment but still he would not help me. Damn God.

I have rightly gave her a nick name long back...JAANU, I am glad the meaning of this word rightly blends in, the first reason of having met her ie the Hindi language and then the second reason would be being my life, love, sweet heart, darling...

1 comment:

  1. Love u Akil! Love u a lt! Miss u so much! I dont go thru the blogger often, for ur kind information just nw read this blog. I am d same until this moment despite of the accidents that had happened in our love. I want you to b comfortable n peaceful n enjoy life. Love u than words can spell............